For a man entering the bondage scene, it can feel like a minefield. People are quick to ask, “How do you really know you’re a Dom until you’ve been with someone?” Your validity is challenged until you actually show your stuff. While this isn’t entirely unreasonable, it can be very uncomfortable. There’s a lot of pressure going into your first time as a Dom. At least as much as losing your virginity, and for some men even more. So, it is a big step, you need to make sure that you have chosen the right website for knowledge and partner. If you are still not sure of the either, you can check the comparison of the bondage dating websites and observe their ratings. If you want to make your first time Domming as a stress free experience, there are three easy tricks that you should use. Use these to boost your confidence, and you will be able to say that your initiation was successful.
Arm Yourself with Knowledge
Knowledge is power, and in this case we start with knowledge of the self. Before you get into the BDSM scene, get into what you really want. The easiest way to do this is to watch porn. Yes, an excuse to watch porn. It’s for research.
Try out a few different techniques and situations to find what you really like. Porn is a fantasy-based erotic art, so don’t allow it to cloud your mind too much. This stage is purely for developing and identifying your fantasies. Without a wide variety of potential play scenes in mind, you’re not going to be able to figure out what you really want out of BDSM.
Once you’ve decided what you’re in to, read some articles and guides about it. There are many great guides online from everything to rope bondage to pet play to the psychological impacts and perks of a slave/Master relationship. Bondage website reviews are a great way to find respected and reputable sources. These people want nothing more than to better the community that they play in, so follow the positive reviews to learn the most. These guides will walk you through the basics, from getting started to your particular kinks and preferences. Make sure that you also read up on first aid and safety. A responsible Dom always knows how to take care of his sub after things have gotten rough.
Armed with your new knowledge of yourself and BDSM theories, look for a club in your area. You might have to drive into a city to find one, but a little online research show you the best ones within travel distance. Even if you don’t intend to pick up anyone at a club, these are great experiences. You can get over the shock factor, and the urge to stare at every woman who walks past. You need to desensitize yourself just a little bit, or you’ll find yourself overwhelmed when the time comes and you’re talking to a gorgeous little sub you might actually want to do something with. Don’t make a move on the women at these clubs; you’re saving your first time for when you’re really in control.
Really Get to Know Your Sub
Even if you don’t want a relationship with her, your first sub should be a handpicked beauty. She should be compatible with you on most levels. She should have at least your major kinks in common, and be open and honest in her communication. Games of intrigue are better for something that’s going to last a little bit longer. She doesn’t have to be perfect, but if she’s not even close why are you bothering?
It might take you some time to find the right sub for you. Most kinksters meet online these days, so look through some bondage website reviews to find good kinky dating services. Do some shopping around on them, and read a lot of profiles before you start picking women to message. Take the time to only talk to girls you actually want to be with. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and plenty of subs for every Dom. You don’t need to be desperate going into this. Spend time talking with her over that bondage site, email, or chat messenger.
Explore your fantasies together. You might want to role play out a scene or two. Be honest about what you’d like to see happen, but don’t be overly ambitious. Suspension bondage takes a long time and a lot of trust to work up to. Start with things like pulling her hair, calling her names, or cumming on her face or breasts. Move on to temperature play or mild punishments. Let her give you ideas, and see how much they do for you. Get to know her comfort levels, and where she’d be likely to use the safeword. Knowing her boundaries before hand lets you design play events that won’t cross any lines and will still be fun for both of you.
Plan the Big Night
Don’t just think that in the heat of the moment you’ll know what to do. You may be a natural Dom, but the first time is hectic and you need a back up plan. When you’ve arranged the time and place with your sub sit down and think of the things you want to do to and with her. You and she have already shared your fantasies. Outline a few big things and then set about gathering everything you will need to make this happen. Whether you need to assemble some home made nipple clamps out of some paper clips or just throw a cold pack into the freezer for use in temperature play, you’ll be glad that you’ve made preparations before hand when the time comes to actually get down to a scene.
The reason you want to think of more than one activity to do is because you may need back ups. Sometimes things are a lot more fun to fantasize about than they are to do. If your sub backs out of the pain oriented punishments you’ve thought up, you need something else on hand to salvage the evening. Knowing that you have a set of silk ties ready to bind her to your bed takes the pressure off of making her like her spanking. Options give you freedom, and adaptability is a key tenant of BDSM.
One last note: always have a first aid kit. Your sub may suffer abrasions or bruises, and quick treatment can save her a lot of pain and visible injury if she doesn’t want to carry those marks around with her. If you’re going to be tying her up, make sure that this kit also includes scissors for cutting her free if the need arises. You can never be too prepared.
Every man has to go through his first time Domming alone. These tips will help make the experience painless, stress-free, and fulfilling. Learn as much as you can about the lifestyle before you dive into it and you can avoid making a lot of unnecessary mistakes. Bondage website reviews are always aimed at getting everyone the experience and reliable resources they need to make the community better as a whole, so turn to them if you’re not sure which guides or articles to trust. Preparation is a big part of being a Dom. Starting these habits now will make each successive experience as satisfying as the last.